Weary Soul Come Home

I have been weary lately. And I have finally figured out why. Rather, have been reminded of why, actually. A reminder that one would think I’d no longer need. I know everything I’m about to iterate, in fact I’ve known the following for quite some time. It’s really nothing new. But it’s undoubtedly worth sharing this fresh articulation of the truths to come.

I have been weary because I have been unintentionally, yet naturally, self-reliant as of late. This belief that we can, even must, do everything for ourselves, and do it on our own, is one of humanity’s most unfortunate default settings. It’s also one of our most misinformed default settings. The presupposition totally ignores the basic biblical principles of grace. That we owe God everything and can offer Him nothing, while He owes us nothing and has offered us everything. And, as follows suit, we can’t do anything without Him. We can try, but we’ll fail to do it well.

Self-reliance is a mindset we all easily fall into. A deceiving mindset that is unequivocally wrong, foolish, and untrue. It is wrong because we have relationships with God and man available to us which we can freely access to accomplish things. It is foolish because it causes us to eventually break down in exhaustion and disillusion. And it is untrue because it neglects to acknowledge the fact that we are broken and in need of a Savior.

Even knowing these truths, I wandered straight into this type of mindset. My faltering into a self-reliant belief pattern was an unconscious one though. It is not a place I want to be in, so I certainly wouldn’t do so consciously. Yet, it took place anyways. And it took the lead of my actions for a season. A season I am grateful the Lord’s active grace is now gradually bringing to an end.

The revealing factor of my stroll into self-sufficiency was the realization that I have not been praying while I work as much as I once did. Sure, I’ve still been offering a few prayers for everything I do because I know I need God, but I haven’t been desperately relying on Him for all the strength required or for every word included in my writing. Even as I write this I struggle to make the proper adjustment. I’ve been praying more, but am not completely convinced the prayers are being answered. I’ll continue pushing towards the change, but my frustrated flesh doesn’t want to.

My flesh doesn’t want to pray; it hasn’t wanted to for a while. Prayerful God-reliance is tremendously difficult to maintain. I want the answers now and the need to patiently wait feels like it’ll kill me. It feels like it’ll kill me because every aspect of my affairs is agonizing: the getting ready, the getting motivated, the getting started, the getting finished, and the physical complications of it all. To pray fully and deeply means my being entirely aware of the agony. To receive the promised prize of peace I must first recite my plights of pain. It requires going through the hurt when I’d rather just ignore it.

That’s how and why I’ve been walking in self-reliance during this season, but it’s just one of the many ways the sin pattern can show up. It appears a little different for everyone. It appears a little different on different occasions. It even appears without appearing at all. I’m unable to describe every example because I don’t even know them all. What I do know is that there’s an antidote and I know where to find it too. In the Word.

The teaching of Jesus in ‭John‬ ‭15:1-2, 4-6 applies directly to the problem; “I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit.
Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.
I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned.”‬

These words of Jesus are pretty straight-forward in my opinion. The Lord, being the greatest teacher, has a beautiful way of simplifying the most complex spiritual truths. This teaching explains to us that God the Father is the ultimate source of all things, namely, the spiritual fruit of our lives in this case. Jesus, the Son of God, is the only way to the Father (John 14:6) in whom we must be grafted in order to produce useful fruit. Abiding in, or having real, meaningful fellowship with Jesus is the only way to bring forth such results.

The people and parts of us, or the branches that produce useless or imperfect fruit must be done away with. This is done by discarding the completely disconnected and pruning away that which needs improvement. Because nothing worthwhile can be done without abiding in God and He in us, any work that is done apart from that fellowship connection cannot produce lasting fruit. It then follows that any work we personally do, even if it’s in the name of the Lord, that is done without true abidance in and with Him, whether in part or in whole, will be discarded because it won’t last.

No wonder I was finding myself plagued with weariness. No wonder I was frustrated and concerned that my recent work was seemingly being wasted. Prayer is the easiest, most practical way to abide in God and I was having a hard time doing it in depth. It’s impossible to truly abide in Christ if we aren’t continuously communing in relationship with Him. That’s all that praying is. It’s not primarily about receiving answers, but first finding a friend in Jesus. A friend, a father, a lover, a counselor all in the Holy God. Be patient, for it is then that your prayers will find answers. Abide in Him, He will abide in you!

He is the home where my weary soul belongs. Weary soul come home!