Silence The Fear

I must admit that I have some naggingly daunting fears. Fears that are horrifying because they threaten my deepest desires. Fears that are related to circumstances that are entirely out of my control. More than anything else, I’m afraid Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy will keep me from experiencing some of the greatest parts of life. The parts of life that I have been looking forward to for as long as I can remember.

What am I afraid of? A fair amount of things. Things related to knowing that this phase of my life is different than it is for most. Largely the potential that what I see my friends and peers experiencing will escape me. The older I get, the more these fears seem to speak to me. I know life is short and the clock’s always running. Will the time run out before I meet certain desires?

I fear that I may not become a husband. I fear that I may not become a father. Two things that I have always longed to be. When I was a kid I never had an answer to what I wanted to be when I grew up. And as of late, I’ve realized that it’s always been to fulfill these roles. But that wasn’t the right answer to the question. Those aren’t professions, so I didn’t give a response. Interestingly enough these are the exact positions God created man for. The Lover creating lovers. The Father creating parents.

Why do I fear that these interests will elude me? Because the reality is that DMD lessens the odds and increases the difficulties of such opportunities. Believe me, I am submitted to the Lord’s will if He does not have these things in store for me. Nor am I in a hurry to experience them. It’s just that I don’t want them to be missed due to muscular dystrophy. My humanity tells me that that’s the only reason such a withholding could be. That’s plain scary!

I know it’s not true, but it still makes me shudder all the way through. Missing out has unceasingly driven my doubts. It often cripples my confidence and melts my motivation. Is it even possible? Is it worth the disappointment of my failed attempts? And even if I pull these pursuits off by God’s grace, will I have made lives worse in the process? If I become a husband, if I become a father, I fear that I may do a great detriment to my loved ones.

That’s also not true. I know my hardships have only ever caused me to do what I need to do. Every seeming loss for my family would be made up for with the extending of love. But that fearful prospect, it lingers still. And of course it does, for the fall, sin, and death have left life incomplete. Our hearts and our souls wonder how much more havoc they can wreak. The same for you as it is for me.

Moreover, these fears I’ve discussed aren’t the only I face. I fear I may not be successful because I am physically limited in what success means. I must invent and receive new ways to succeed. I fear I will not meet the needs that I was made to meet because I am more often than not the one who’s in need. I fear that I may forget to worship my God as I endure the turmoils of this life. Faith is a battle that’s so hard to fight! And if I survive it all, I fear that I may not be healed until my heavenly call.

Yet, amidst every terror that crosses my mind the Lord is there to meet me with these words from John 14:27, “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” He’s calling me to trust Him. To trust Him and His peace. To silence the fear by drawing near to my great Hope. That is where I’ll be set free. Come silence the fear with me!

While considering these fears the following lyrics from the song Fear Is a Liar by Zach Williams have been echoing through my mind lately: “Cast your fear in the fire, ‘Cause fear he is a liar.” I want to cast all fear in the fire because it is indeed a liar.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” – II Timothy‬ ‭1:7‬

“Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’” – Isaiah‬ ‭41:10‬

“The thing that will secure you in the days to come is not knowledge of the future, but knowledge of and trust in the One who holds you and every aspect of the future in his hands.” – Paul Tripp