I want to start off by saying that I think we way over-complicate the differences between loving affection and lustful attraction as a society and people in general. We fabricate our own lines on the issue and many times fail to see where the actual line is by God’s standard. We dance around reality in relation to certain situations and argue back and forth as to whether or not a response is lustful or loving. Well, the truth is, there is really only one thing that defines the difference between the two; Simply put, anything done in love is based on some level of selflessness and anything done out of lust is based on selfishness. What I’m basically telling you is that there are many actions that can be done out of either love or lust. You can be doing the exact same thing, but what defines its source is whether it is done for yourself or for another.
Now, lust can appear in several ways, whether it’s in pursuit of relational/physical attraction, money, power, possessions, or whatever. Everything I’m going to say will apply to lust in all of its forms, but the first form in the list is obviously the most prevalent and immediate, so this post is mainly pointed in that direction. Do keep in mind that these principles can easily be used in regard to the other forms too though.
Lust is rooted in selfishness, while Love is rooted in selflessness. I know, I already said that. And I’ll probably say it a few more times in the same or similar words before I’m done. I can’t stress it enough. This concept truly is all there is to it and the sooner you grasp it, the sooner you’ll be able to understand and recognize the difference between the two. The more a choice is made for your own sake, the more it leans towards lust. The more a choice is made for the sake of others, the more it leans towards love.
Love gives and is satisfied. Lust takes and is never satisfied. Because love looks to the wants and needs of others it is willing to and often reveals itself through giving. Since love gives to others there is no danger of not being satisfied because it’s reward is the joy of others. Lust focuses entirely on your own wants and therefore takes from whoever it can, whenever it can. Because this is the case, lust cannot and will not be satisfied since you will inevitably want more and more when you see there’s more to be had. Who would you rather be with? Who would you rather be?
Love is holy, comforting, and centered around Christ and others. Lust is unholy, cruel, and centered around your individual self. Do I really need to go much further with this one? We all know out of these two which is the right choice.
God’s perfect invention of human relationship, in its many forms, was meant for love not lust. Lust only comes as a perversion of His purpose. Love is always what He has in mind. When we use relationships in the way we’re meant to, as a means of portraying love, we operate out of an interest in and concern for others. This is where the beauty of connection through relations is found and is the only way it is ever effective. When we use them in a lustful way we are operating out of an interest in and concern for self. And if that’s the root, it is only ever destructive.
Love builds the type of relationships that last. Lust always eventually destroys relationships with others and God. People do not stick with the ones that only work for the advancement of their own good, you don’t and nobody else does. The relationships that mean the most to all of us are the ones that we sacrifice the most for and loving relationships have no other option than selfless sacrificial gestures. Lustful relationships never end in sacrifices for the other party.
Walking in lust leaves you bound by the shackles of guilt and the never ending desire for more. That life is nothing more than a prison. You can never get enough and usually by the time you realize that, it’s far too late to have a guiltless recovery. On the promising other hand: Walking in love allows you to live with freedom and the confidence that comes with a clean mind. There is extreme liberty that comes with not being dominated by your fleshly desires because it means you have the necessary self control to make a positive impact. Yes, there is a way to fulfill these desires in a manner of love, but this control that comes from walking in love gives you power over your lustful tendencies. Beyond that, a mind that operates in this way does not have to be continually worried about falling into traps or having a cloud of guilt follow them.
Let me share with you a little bit of what the Bible says on the topic:
Ephesians 5:1-4 – “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us, a sacrifice and sweet smelling fragrance to God. But immorality and all impurity or greediness must not even be named among you, as is becoming among saints. Let there be no filthiness nor foolish and sinful talk, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting or becoming; but instead voice your thankfulness to God.”
Just like a child copies the patterns of his father, we are called to be imitators of God and His traits. And it only makes sense for us to do so because we are so dearly beloved by Him. This means for us to live and love like Jesus Christ did, giving of Himself and not taking for Himself. It comes right back to operating out of unselfish love versus selfish lust. Jesus loved us in such a way that He gave His life for us, dying as an offering for our sin. There is nothing more selfless than this. And this very well pleased the Father and was a sweet smelling fragrance by His standard of love. This is the example we are to pursue after in our dealings with others. To do so means to deeply please God and find favor in the eyes of all men as well.
The end of the passage of verses includes a list of sins that are all rooted in lust and selfishness and are things that will leave you trapped in a cage of trying to please unquenchable desires. It is a desperate place that no one wants to fall into and I don’t think I need to go into explaining what each of the words mean because we all know just what actions line up with them in terms of lust. Along with this principle of falling into the pit of sin’s disparity, going down this trail of lustful activities is something very unbecoming of those who call Christ their Lord. Any sincere line of godly thought reveals that it’s not a very safe direction to go. The verses end by telling us the way to avoid such actions is to choose to give thanks to God for inviting us into His community of love found in the relationship between Him and His Church. Expressing our gratefulness for this is an activity that enables us to operate out of such love.
Let’s choose to follow in the footsteps of Jesus and walk along the path of living in love, not the one of living in lust. What is at the end of the former road is much more promising than the end of the latter.
