Monthly Archives: April 2021

Someone Had To Go Through It

Recently I have been assured, and then reassured, and then reassured again, and on and on again of the Truth that my God is always continually with me! Be it through the discovery and rediscovery of specific scriptures, the presence of a faithful mentor or friend, or a momentary, living picture of this Truth in action. The Lord seems to remind me of it everywhere these days!

I have seen it in verses like Deuteronomy 31:8 – “And the LORD, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.”
And in Joshua 1:5 – “No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life; as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you nor forsake you.”
Also in Hebrews 13:5 – “Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
In Isaiah‬ ‭43:2‬ ‭(NIV) – “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”
And in Psalm 23:4 – “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me;”
Even in Romans 8:35 – “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?”

I have seen it in Lee Kresser, who constantly encourages my ministry and purpose, always seemingly more excited about it than even I am!
In Kevin Sullivan, who never misses his chance to text or call me, simply to check in; his eagerness to be a friend is contagious!
And in Eric Cieslewicz, who energetically challenges me to stretch my awareness and effectiveness, a voice that has vibrantly renewed my vision!
I am so grateful for these three, and countless others!

I have seen it in a father and son working a demolition project, one clearly doing all the work while the other is just happy to be there to “help”.
In God guiding my words as I, sometimes feebly and stumbling, preach a word He has called me to share. Even on my choppier days I can remain calm, as I know He is the power behind the planted seeds.
And in a father and daughter singing together at church, one gently carrying and calming the slightly uneasy other. (This coming after being personally uncertain of the reception of my job filling in for a Bible study earlier that morning. Needless to say, the Lord quickly conquered that feeling!)
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In these reminders I have found a new joy and peace in the cost of carrying my cross as I imitate Christ (Matthew 16:24). I find myself truly willing, with God as my witness, as far as I am able, to take part in His suffering as well as His joy (1 Peter 4:13). Even unto the very joy of the sacrificial suffering set before Him (Hebrews 12:2)!

It has become my personal prerogative to be willing and available to offer my life in a manner that maximizes the spread of the Kingdom and the Glory of God. Whether that means healing from Duchenne on Earth, or it being withheld until Heaven. Whether that means remaining single, or being given in marriage. Whether that means with plenty that I may share generously, or with nothing at all. Whether that means living freely, or dying a martyr. Whatever, my prayer is, for His will to be done and not my own! I have counted up the cost and He is worth it!

With this being said, I have come to figure that God means for every possible circumstance and every possible outcome to be maximized for Him! For this to happen, perhaps every possible circumstance and outcome must come to pass. All things must happen, that all things may be maximumly used! And those possibilities that God sovereignly chooses not to use, aren’t used because they’re useless. Now, I don’t think you’ll find a verse in the Bible that confirms this theory, but I do think it will be a spiritual benefit to adopt this outlook. Seeing things this way can allow you to relinquish control, release all worry, and to walk in rest!

As I have personally incorporated this idea in my life, it has come to my attention that with every situation, someone had to go through it. Each circumstance and outcome that has ever been or will be has to have an individual to face it. So why not face your situation fearlessly and head on, whatever the circumstance and outcome may be?! Someone had to go through it! And you just happen to be the only one with the tools required to handle the unique path set before you in the manner that will maximize the Kingdom and God’s Glory!

I look at my life and say, “Someone had to go through it! So why not I for what I’m going through?!” I welcome you to say it too!

Romans 5:3-4 (MEV) – “Not only so, but we also boast in tribulation, knowing that tribulation produces patience, patience produces character, and character produces hope.”

The Sorrows of My Soul

What I’m about to say is, by society’s standards, anything but manly. Thankfully I am not confined to the world’s definitions! Instead, I commit to the definitions of God, which would certainly call it manly. The obvious reason being that Jesus, the greatest man to ever live, did it all the time. Jesus wept. It is the most honest and courageously wholehearted thing for anyone to ever do, and is therefore manly above just about anything else!

Anyways…

Last night in bed (can’t get much more vulnerable than this) I spent some time weeping. Weeping because of, well, life. It’s been rough on me! It just has!

I spent time weeping for my younger self. For all the unnecessary pain I faced, on top of the obvious. For how cruel and unaware the world can be towards suffering. Weeping for the desperate grasping for significance I went through, even while knowing I already had it in Christ! Weeping for the pointless search for validation because I didn’t have enough voices assuring me that Duchenne didn’t define me by any means!

Don’t get me wrong, I had voices telling me that. I did, and I still do! But it was never nearly as many as you would think. That may be hard to hear, but it’s true! I had my wonderful family, my handful of amazing lifelong friends, and a few choice others that regularly, continually assured me of the truths that I was no different than anyone else and I was so much more than my physical cage of captivity. I had others who offered the occasional kind word of encouragement. And that was about it.

Looking back, I now know that I needed as many people as often as possible to have been telling me these things. Yet, I am not bitter that I lacked enough reassuring voices. And how could I be?! People have their own things going on. Their own worries, their own insecurities, as impertinent as they may be. Believe me, I get it, no matter what it is, our personal struggles are personal and are not to simply be shrugged off. I mean, this is the first time living life for all of us!

Further, I wept over specific moments in my life. I wept for every time there was a 7 year old kid that said, “Hey buddy, do you need any help?” to an 11 year old me at the ballpark. I wept for the time when a guy several years older than me called me a cripple because he thought it would be funny in high school.

I wept over the time in middle school when a classmate pestered me for my nervousness in public speaking, not because I lacked confidence, but because I dreaded drawing attention to my own frailty (shedding tears as I wrote this). I wept because it bothered me so much that I conveniently fled to the bathroom as my turn for a certain presentation approached.. and never came back to the class. I later gave the presentation to the teacher in private.

I wept over the time an art teacher was scolding the class for wasting time and jokingly said, “Right Logan?” while, because of my weakness, I was really far behind on a project (today I wouldn’t even be able to do it). She meant it to be poking fun between friends, but had no idea just how ashamed I was of my condition. I broke out in tears right then and there, in front of everyone. She took me to the side and genuinely apologized, but offered me no real solace because of how much it had taken her off guard. What was she supposed to do?!

I also wept over the fruitless romantic pursuits of my school years. Typically for reasons outside of my control. I had all the confidence, drive, and passion that’s required. But simply because of how human psychology works (which I’ve only recently learned) I had a severe disadvantage. I wept for the heartache that stretched over many years for the unacknowledged value I could add to a girl’s life because as far as she could tell I’d be the one needing value added. (Though no one is able to actually add any value to anyone besides God). I wept for the confusion and lack of confidence it created in a developing me.

I wept for the uncertainty I roamed around in for years as to whether others saw me or DMD, that the wheelchair might be how others labeled me. I wept for the determined effort I devoted myself to in order to prove just how equally independent I was to my peers. For my foolish refusal of the many forms of help that were available to me that would’ve made my life so much easier, had I been more humble to accept. I wept for the complicated and stressful schedule that these refusals unnecessarily created. For my dismissal of my parents’ wise advice to take the help, so I could instead accomplish my irrational quest for normalcy. I wept over the OCD tendencies I wasted so much time torturing myself with in order to achieve that. And I wept for the painful, frustrating toll that I know it put on my family. For the bitterness that my siblings and parents sometimes felt because of it.

I spent much time weeping over the fact that it took me so long to realize and put into words so many of these things. Weeping that while I had enough to survive and thrive through the trial, it was not enough to me. I wanted, to the point of worship, more; to be as physically capable as those around me so people could see how awesome the real me was and is. That I was the man, they just couldn’t quite see it.

I deeply groaned for the restoration of health, and if a miracle wasn’t coming I would force that reality on my own. That was the most unhealthy thing for me to do. Unfortunately that habit controlled much of my school years. And so, I wept for the fact that I did so well in school, but was never really doing well personally. I wept that I struggled with suicidal thoughts through what would amount to a little over a decade. And not because I believed life to be hopeless or pointless, but because it would just be easier. I would be free.

Now, you must be thinking, “How in the world has Logan been able to make it through all of this?!?!” Perhaps the next paragraph will suffice as an answer.

Last night I also spent time weeping in thankfulness to the Lord that He has never left me or forsaken me! Weeping for the continual whispers of the still small voice of His Spirit that assured me of my worth in Him! Weeping for the constant growth throughout my walk of faith, making me more into the image of Jesus Christ while He speaks the truth of life in me! I wept for the joy that is still present in my suffering! For the amazing breakthroughs of confidence and victory God has recently provided! I wept for all that He has been preparing me to do. I wept for the reality that my time to minister has come!

All in all, I spent the time weeping in prayerful adoration of the King of Kings! I offered the good, the bad, the painful, and the freeing. And He received it all!

And I know because Psalm 34:18 (MEV) says, “The Lord is near to the broken-hearted, and saves the contrite of spirit.”

I am also assured that Jesus can more than relate as we read, “He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. And we hid, as it were, our faces from him; he was despised, and we did not esteem him.” in Isaiah 53:3. And His suffering was exponentially worse. Because He took sin and the cross for me, I will take whatever I must to maximize His glory!

Praise God that in every season, at every moment, He was with me and ministering to my sorrowful soul! Even when I didn’t know or see it! As I continue to get older I am seeing all the reasons and purposes for my suffering. How it is meant to change this world for the Kingdom of Christ. And it’s awesome!

You Say, “Raca!”, I Say, “Watch Your Mouth!”

I don’t know about you, but one of the hardest disciplines throughout my life has been refraining from calling or treating others like idiots when I feel like they’re being idiots. Perhaps that seems a little too honest to you. But, I’ve committed myself to a platform of full transparency, and for me to say it in any other way, as harsh as it sounds, would be dishonest and inconsistent. I am far from innocent in this area! And it is humblingly obvious! In fact, full disclosure, I have used words much worse than idiot. Yeah, you know what I mean. Shocking isn’t it?! Not really…

This is just one of the many examples of why I need Jesus, the Messiah, to save my soul and purify my habits! Genuinely examine your life and tell me if you can come to any other conclusion. I’ll leave that there, because if you follow my writing at all you know that I’ve talked extensively about how good we are not, and that we need God to restore us to attain any goodness. If not, you can look through the archives to read what I’ve said on the matter.

Now, back to it. Admittedly, because I’ve had a serious struggle with this, the pronouns in the title should be reversed (but it just didn’t sound as good that way). Thankfully, Jesus himself, knowing the constant error of our human nature and ways, directly addresses our propensity to call others idiots. And not even in a remotely roundabout way! He literally outright tells us, “You know that thing that you do? The thing where you look at another person, a beloved child of God, and are angrily dumbfounded that their understanding doesn’t align with yours. And so, in their presumed stupidity, you curse them and call them an idiot. Yeah that thing! It’s not good, and you’re going to be judged for it.”

Don’t believe me? Then take a look at Matthew 5:22 (AMP), “But I say to you that everyone who continues to be angry with his brother or harbors malice against him shall be guilty before the court; and whoever speaks [contemptuously and insultingly] to his brother, ‘Raca (You empty-headed idiot)!’ shall be guilty before the supreme court (Sanhedrin); and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ shall be in danger of the fiery hell.” As you can see, in Jesus’ actual statement He uses the Aramaic word Raca, meaning empty-headed or fool, ala idiot. It was truly a curse word in that day’s culture! The great irony here is that The Lord says that calling someone an idiot is actually idiotic. Christ did not mince His words or dance around our habit of cursing others! Whether we use a “cuss word” or just a “mean word”, the behavior is equally condemned.

Rather than name all of society’s examples of said behavior, as I’m sure you’ve already started considering, I’ll share where it shows up in my own life. That way, maybe you can reflect on yourself as well.

His political commentary is missing certain aspects… idiot!
That player made the wrong decision on that play… idiot!
Her worldview has major holes in it… idiot!
You’re not doing that specific task the way I expect you to… idiot!
They don’t like what I’m saying or doing… idiots!
And more importantly I’m suspicious that they consider me an… idiot!
I’m no idiot!… idiot!
Yes, we are naturally absurd and immature. Like, aren’t those things really, and I mean REALLY, dumb when we actually think about it?!

When I ponder these concepts I am forced to recognize just how misplaced and foolish it is for me to curse men made in God’s image, and bless the Lord, with the same mouth, the same lips, and the same tongue! (James 3:8-10) Boy am I grateful that over the years His Spirit has gradually grown and trained me, through grace, to change the pattern of my words!

By the way, I find that the angrier we are the more apt we are to tear others down with words and names. I’m convinced that that’s part of the reason why anger is to be avoided at all costs, to be saved as the very, very, very last resort. Anger is to be so far down the line that it genuinely appears as though we never actually access it. This is what it means to put off anger! (Colossians 3:8, Ephesians 4:31)

One last thing: Humans are fallible and are therefore capable of real foolishness. It is different to recognize that one is being foolish than it is to outright call them a fool. Although that’s true, it is still ill-advised to share even those sentiments in emotionally charged situations.

Let’s take a look at Proverbs 26:4 (NKJV), “Do not answer a fool according to his folly, Lest you also be like him.”‬‬ What you first have to understand about this verse is that in God’s eyes, the fool is the angry man or woman. Foolishness is equated with anger more than anything else in the Bible. So the verse may as well read, “Do not answer an angry man according to his anger, lest you also be like him.” Of course, you can still be foolish without being angry, so I suppose this is the reason it is worded the way it is. Understanding these things, here is the application: When a person is behaving foolishly, particularly in an angry way, it is best to simply not respond to them. This is so that you don’t say something that you regret. Do not answer, that you may not get riled up, and become angry like the foolish one. The funny thing is, I have seen people quote this verse in conversation with those they perceive to be fools. Unfortunately, that is typically a very poor usage of the verse, because to say the phrase to the other is to arrogantly do the exact opposite of what the phrase is saying. This verse is not meant to be wielded as a weapon to prove others wrong, but is to be taken as advice in preserving yourself from anger, wrath, and malice. In fact, we are meant to lay our weapons down. I think it’s time we start doing just that!

I invite you to take these things to heart, apply them to your lives, and to join me, this year and beyond, in the pursuit of totally refraining from cursing our fellow man, God’s created ones!